Daily Trust

Willing but unable to walk the aisle

Has it occurred to you why the number of unmarried women keeps rising in our society? It has been discovered that many men are quick to date but slow to marry. Despite being mature and financially stable, these men refuse to settle down even with women they claim to deeply care for or love. Of great concern, too are the many women that are stuck half way, not knowing the step to take when dating such men. 

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Women are confused on whether to stick with such relationship that refuses to settle down, or end them and pursue a serious marriage partner. A blogger, Helen Smith, said it seemed that fewer and fewer people in general are getting married these days, and even fewer men seem interested. She said men no longer see marriage as being as important as they did even 15 years ago.

In her book, Smith said men avoid marriage due to fear of losing respect, losing out on sex, friends, space, freedom and they seem to feel single life is better than ever. Wisdom Tyokase works with a government institution in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) and earns a good salary. 

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The 38-year-old who is yet to get a ‘suitable’ suitor seven years after his last engagement crashed, said though he has not given up, it still gets harder by the day to get a suitable lady to propose to. Tyokase’s search for a suitor since 2011 has been futile due to what he called ‘multifaceted challenges’.

“In my case, it is like the people that you want to be the right person are the ones that are interested in money,” he said. He said any relationship built on money or financial gratifications cannot survive the test of time, “something most of the ladies I met failed to realise.”

“Again in 2011, the parents of the lady I was planning to marry objected to the marriage saying they would not want her to marry outside her tribe. She is an Udoma girl and I am Tiv. I also met an Igala lady recently, the family also objected insisting that she marries from their tribe,” he said. Another bachelor, Stanley Ibe, believes waiting for God’s time is the best. “I believe in God and His time is the best. On the human aspect, I have been making effort,” but those efforts, he said, have not been rewarding.

“Last year, I got engaged and did traditional wedding, we were in the process of perfecting the church wedding and going for counseling but she opted out of the marriage,” he said. He added that he tried to let her know that her lifestyle should change after marriage but that the marriage counselors also influenced her decision to quit because they will tell you the bitter truth. “There were so many things that they talked about marriage including telling her that it was not late to pull out,” he said.

Ibe said he was comfortable with her decision but the manner she pulled out was a bitter pill to swallow. “She told her parents about her decision and they called my parents who in turn informed me about her decision.” 

“Many women in Nigeria today are not ready for marriage, they just want to take your money especially those that are in school and some that are already working may be ready but do not have time. 

The Amir NASFAT, Kuje branch, Ibrahim Azeez, said most matured men avoid marriage due to experiences in past relationships or those of married friends that are not happy with their spouses.

He added that other men run away from marriage thinking it will cage them thereby making them to lose their freedom. Others also run away from responsibilities. “Men should bear in mind that they cannot find a woman that is 100 percent perfect in character. They should understand also that we are meant to reshape ourselves as husband and wife.

A counselor, Pastor Michael Oloye, said it is when a man is capable to know and carry out his duties to himself, a wife, children, family and society that he is ripe to go into marriage.

“Most men complain of economic situation as reason for not getting married but even when such men earn N1 million daily, they will find it difficult to settle down. “Civilisation has gone a long way in destroying marriage.

Gone are the days when you get a husband and wife that really love, pray and support themselves to build a home, society and nation,” he said. He advised that prayer, readiness and determination should be the basis in any relationship and that both men and women should be ready to learn.