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Who would you rather prefer… Boy Caddie or Girl Caddie?

Golfers and their caddies setting out during the 2016 Captain’s Cup tournament at the IBB Golf and Country Club in Abuja

To the uninitiated, caddies are youngsters who carry the burden of golfers. They vary as we have various golf courses. In some courses like the lkoyi Club and the lBB Golf Club in Abuja, almost half of the caddies are girls. Some playing members even prefer them to the boy caddies. Please don’t ask me the reason behind this for I haven’t got a clue.

But in some clubs like Benin, Lamingo, Abeokuta, Aba, Enugu, few girls work as caddies. And in about all the courses in the north, save for Otukpo where 30 percent of the caddies are girls, you can only see boy caddies.

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But one thing is clear here. Usually, female caddies tend to read the Green better. Reason could be they are, normally more patient than their male counterparts.  The girls tend to have a solution to your awry putts.

Anyway, this is where the great things about a girl caddy ends. You can now give every other things to the boy caddy. The boy caddy, at all times, is nerved up and wild eyed. He prefers his ‘oga’ takes risk by hitting it long and wild. He will never want his ‘oga’ to instructively sink low.

On the other hand, the girl caddy is always wearing sad eyes and usually muster sympathy. Most times, her head droops In utter defeat. And when it’s time to cool off on course for some five minutes, you will see her moving from the crowd and perching around a tee box like a dobber dog. Sometimes, she crosses her legs so she can have an audience. All the same, she will still offer worldly eyes of a woman beaten by life.

Get to the game, the girl caddy will prefer that her ‘oga’ tees it off with a long iron, say a three- iron. She wants it safe, no matter how short. She wants every shot to be made with the advantage of meticulous planning. Even though, the Phenomenon, Tiger Woods gambles most times so he could reach a part 5 in two, a girl caddy detests gambling like sin. She wants you to hit every shot neat and straight. She will never advise her ‘oga’ to fade a ball. Her thinking is if you can see the green, why not hit it straight and get there. She will never advise that you flag a ball. Anywhere on the green, no matter how far the ball is from the hole will do. She wants a safe par rather than chasing a birdie that would end in a double-bogey.

The boy caddy, on the other hand wants his ‘oga’ to always adopt the first rule of warfare… that is you must know your enemy. His oga’s playing partner is an enemy the minute both players arrive the first tee. It’s already an eyeball to eyeball duel. The boy caddy will tinker with his master and come out with a sadistic game plan…don’t allow him take an honor”. It’s as simple as that. The girl caddy will not want any of this risk taking. At all times, she will tell her ‘oga’ to play the course and not his partner. “Just save a par at every hole”, she will advise. “You can steal a birdie and close the game at one- under”. Well, usually, it works like this. But just one bad hole could set you back for some six shots. So, how do you cover the deficit if you have not carded some three birdies?

It’s in the hollow bunker you will see another huge difference in a girl caddy and the boy caddy. The girl caddy will usually want her ‘oga’ to chip back into the fairway before approaching the Green from a safer angle. The boy caddy is not bothered about how shallow the bunker is. You will see him trotting to the Green, and instantly, he is adjusting the flag so it doesn’t obstruct the ball from sinking as his ‘oga’ blasts from the deep bunker. If the ‘oga’ dares take a safer chip out before approaching the

Green, the boy caddy will wince in agony and clearly thumps at his heart … suggesting to his oga where golf is! And truly, if you have any heart, all you need in a grave bunker is to spread your stance, open the face of your sand wedge and dig it from under while splashing sand all over the Green.

All said and done, there will be a time when the two sides, the girl caddy and the boy caddy will meet to unload their heaviest ammo. This has to do with the burden of carrying the golf bags around the 18 holes of a golf course.

The boy caddy, naturally, will lift a bag that weighs a ton. With his face cap turned to the back, he will trot around the course effortlessly as if what he’s carrying is a bag filled with feathers. He gets to the ball when his ‘oga’ lags behind some ten yards. Instinctively, he’s already bringing out the club needed for the approach shot. Usually, he will leave his oga ‘over-club’. Just blast it.

The girl caddy, with a huge bag pro golfers, even those that shoot 90, prefer,will be a pity to watch. She can’t really carry the bag, so she drags it. Watch her and you could be hearing pitiful whimpering of a broken fellow. She will be there managing  guttural discharge of someone choking on a golf ball.

Now you want to pity her and she will offer a comely smile that tells you to let her be. At least, it’s her cross she’s carrying. The sad thing here is that her master gets to the ball when she’s lagging some ten yards behind. And if the master is having a harrowing moment on the course, you will hear a despairing message that reads like this: “Waka now. Abi you don get belle?’

Now you know better. When next you hit the course, know clearly who your heart prefers… the boy Caddie or the girl Caddie?.

 

NOMINATE AFRICAN OF THE YEAR 2019

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