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When age becomes cause for concern in marriage

Sandra and Dayo (not real names) abandoned their marriage plans after dating for over a year; that was after Dayo’s elder brother and other siblings discovered Sandra was two years older than their brother.

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The two lovebirds had a blossoming relationship all through their dating period and Sandra had become the choice even among Dayo’s family members. They were in the process of getting married when the whole thing went awry and they had to painfully go their separate ways – a situation that had remained painful to Sandra till date.

So as age hardly really matters when it comes to marriage, why does it take a rapid turnabout when it is the woman that is older?

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Some people who spoke to our reporter gave some interesting views on age in the issue of marriage. Folashade Babalola, a banker said, age should not be a barrier to marriage when there is true love between the parties. 

She said love between a man and a woman is what will help the marriage to grow, adding that marriage is a relationship given by God to mankind and it was done out of love.

Daniel Usman said it doesn’t matter because age is just a number. “All that matters is that they love each other. A lady can marry a man who’s older or younger than her. A man can also marry a woman who is older or younger than himself. What really matters is that they love and understand each other.”

Usman said he has seen marriages where the husbands are older but they still had problems due to lack of maturity and understanding. “But on the other hand, I have seen marriages where the woman is older than the man and they are living happily.”

A businessman, Chidi Chiwuike, said when it comes to marriage the man is supposed to be older than the woman because maturity is needed to run a family. 

“I’m sure that’s how God wants it, because he created Adam before Eve. It’s really awkward for a woman to marry a younger man. Being the head of the family, the man should be older and more mature so that he can handle the affair of his home well,” he opined.

Although true love is said to be blind, as it knows no race, age or barrier for that matter, in Africa setting, Nigeria inclusive, people most times frown at it when the woman is older than her spouse, forgetting that genuine love is supposed to be the foundation of a strong marriage that can withstand difficulties.

The coordinator, Marriage is Beautiful, John Shuaibu, said age is numbers but numbers are viewed from different perspectives.

He said, the reason most men prefer younger ladies is for respect and authority. “Every man has ego, therefore, it takes an older lady with humility to remain under the control of a younger man. She has to have the conviction of respect for him not for pecuniary gain,” he said.

Shuaibu said, if a woman can have that disposition then, she would be able to take from the man what she would take from an older person.

“You know women have the tendency of disrespecting younger men, especially in crisis time,” he said.

He said for a woman to marry a man younger than her, she must accept within her that she will respect him at all times even if she is more well off.

Shuaibu added that the battle of age must be conquered within by both spouses for a prosperous marriage. “However, the man must know if he truly loves her. Don’t forget women age faster,” he said.

 

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