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The ‘Honourable’s’ lost trophy

“Serves him right, I hope the younger sister turns him down also. Selfish looter.’ I said, putting down my phone.

‘Who are you wishing so much ill this time Bint?’ Tahir asked, walking onto the balcony and sitting himself on the chair opposite mine.

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‘It’s one crazy legislator from Jigawa state. Can you believe he had the audacity to take the matter to court when he literally brought it all on himself?’ I asked, rhetorically.

‘What did he bring on himself? At least have the patience to tell me the story first before you expect me to agree with you.’ Tahir requested.

‘According to the audio report I just listened to, the lawmaker contracted a professional matchmaker and asked her to get him a bride with the following specifications. She must be tall, slim, fair, with long hair and gap-toothed. Between looking for and finding a young woman with these physical qualities and arranging the wedding in a far away province of Niger Republic, the lawmaker spent the sum of 30 millon naira. However, just three weeks after her arrival at the Honourable’s house, his trophy bride asked for permission to go back to Niger Republic. Her darling husband granted her wish by allowing her to travel home on a personal mission. But having done so, Jamila, the bride decided not to return to her marital home. All efforts to persuade her to return to him failed. So the next thing Mr Honourable did was to drag the matchmaker to court, praying that either his bride or his 30 million naira be returned to him.’ I explained.

‘This sounds so much like a cock and bull story Bint. Are you sure it really happened? I mean it could have been the product of someone’s fertile imagination. A whole legislator, in this day and age, going to such great lengths as to spend 30 million to wed a bride and then going ahead to make such a scene because she has left him? It sounds like the kind of story people make up in order to make others laugh.’ He replied sceptically.

‘Well I would have agreed with you but for the actualities I heard.’ I answered.

‘What actualities?’ He demanded.

‘The sound bites in the news report that featured voices of both lawyers representing the litigants. The lawyer representing the matchmaker spoke first and said his client should not have been joined in the suit because she had discharged her obligations to the letter, by finding a girl with the required attributes, by arranging the wedding and ensuring that the bride was delivered to her groom in his home. He argued that anything that happened after the bride had lived with her husband was out of the matchmaker’s jurisdiction.

As for the Honourable’s lawyer, his own argument was that his client had spent too much to accept such a bad turn. He said after spending 30 million naira to acquire the new bride, the lawmaker must not be left with nothing to show. However he added that they may opt for an out of court settlement, since the parents of Jamila the runaway bride, have offered to give Mr Honourable her younger sister in marriage as a replacement.

According to the reporter, the parents had assured the lawyer that the younger sister is equally tall, fair slim, with long hair and gap-toothed. In addition she even has a better figure than her sister. So now they want to try the sister option in order to save the situation. And that was the point at which you heard me saying that I hope the sister will turn him down too.

I mean what kind of insanity is it to spend 30 million in order to take a bride when the people you represent are without potable drinking water, have no hospitals but dispensaries without drugs. When schools in your constituency are without roofs, furniture and books and you still say your priority is to import a trophy bride from Niger. How can I wish such a man well?’ I demanded.

‘You right Bint, it’s truly disheartening to see how little our elected officials care about the people they represent. For all you know, the whole N30 million was part of a constituency project that never saw the light of day. Yes, it is quite possible that it was divine retribution that denied the other bride the will to stay. And like you I also hope that her younger sister will refuse to take her sisters place. Let the Honourable know that he can’t betray public trust by diverting constituency funds to personal use and still expect Almighty God to bless the outcome.’ Tahir concurred, to my admiration and applause.

 

OVER 5,000 NIGERIAN MEN HAVE OVERCOME POOR BEDROOM PERFORMANCE SYNDROME DUE TO THIS BRILLIANT DISCOVERY

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