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Reserved for Presidents only

Nations run best when citizens obey laws. I love my new president. His true image did take a few years coming round, but the revealed image is fascinating. I truly wouldn’t have wanted him any other way. Our talakawa leader is fast turning into a philosopher king.

Prelude to 2005, several efforts were made to dehumanize candidate Muhammadu Buhari. My president knows he has a good image that needs not be burnished. When a section of the media made a true documentary on him, he never repudiated it or claim to have been wrongly portrayed. Only masquerades defy being unmasked.

My president has always known how beautiful the world would be without the media. Two decrees promulgated in the mid-80s ensured that state secrets remained sealed. With Chinco phones and access to expensive but needed data, things are not that easy to contain. As a converted democrat, this government has never heckled the media; it has agencies doing a better job of that. There are individuals in government whose thin skin reveals their true colours. Government exterminators are doing a good job of fumigating the house without barring fangs.

My new president is rewriting history. As a candidate, he barred and banned family members from using his holy name in vain or for personal gains. That ban stands like a tilted NEPA pole. Sai Mama got her hard-earned title of First Lady and an office complete with qualified staff of her own choosing – the ultimate power of the other room.

Image panelbeaters could’ve kept a mirage that all Muhammadu Buhari’s children went to Queens and Barewa College but social media meant secrets always seep out of the bag. The president’s Ivy League brains attended elite English schools. It’s nothing new because before Daddy became president, there was a habit of going to London for medical check up every two years and for child delivery. Muhammadu Buhari could afford all that, unlike the cost of picking the presidential nomination.

The last of the presidential bevvies has just graduated cum laude in – photography. The unwashed masses whose best selfies are taken with the inbuilt cameras of their Chinco phones think this is nothing extraordinary. Yet, none of these wailers have seen the exquisite interior of a presidential jet nor sat in one, even in their dreams. Our dear Hannan has been flying in one for her exclusive photography assignments – documenting arranged cultural artistry to be stored in English libraries because ours have not improved since 1960. Rather than count themselves lucky, wailers are rankled to no end.

The kerfuffle over the rights of a First Daughter to use the presidential jet is pure hot air. Since when did it become an offence for daughters to use their father’s property? The last time I read the constitution, Nigeria and its fullness belongs to the President. That includes all those registered as Nigerians. So, please hold your tongue and stop wailing.

I understand it was modesty that prevented protocol officers at the Bauchi International Airport for treason for failing to roll out the red carpet. These people allowed the dainty feet of the First Daughter in her Gucci shoes to touch the unwashed tarmac. The Guards Brigade failed in its duty to line up a guard of honour complete with the traditional bagpipes and the Bauchi Governor failed to organize traditional dance. The last person to recycle a telephone line exclusively reserved to a first daughter spent ten days in jail explaining his mischief. This insolence would not be tolerated in future.

I have utmost respect for the 70 medical personnel who recently separated conjoined twins. Even with their feat, I wouldn’t sentence my president to the medical facilities he inherited from the last government that handed over to him in 2019. They did nothing to improve on the 1985 status of our best hospitals as mere consultancy clinics. This is why foreign medical tourism is reserved for the First Family only. Mr President has warned that the Naira could no longer support the health tourism of the citizenry in case any citizen develops earache that requires foreign treatment.

For breaking that order, one expects serious sanctions against Bala Muhammed. He spirited away to London without presidential approval shortly after hosting the first daughter. It doesn’t matter if he financed the bill from the leftover of the dollars he spent marrying a beautiful Lebanese woman recently.

You just have to love Mr. President the philosopher king. Accused of nepotism with only a few examples, he recently charged Nigerian youths to look beyond ethnicity and religion if they aspire to lead Nigeria. Nigeria has changed the Michael West dictionary meaning of irony.

Having survived the embarrassment of affidavits, the President has equally tasked his citizens on the need to obtain credible school certificates. This message should be sent to the Director, Army Records for future reference.

Here is the end of the matter, those who must live well in our country must do what their leaders say and not what they see them do. They must also remember that certain privileges are – reserved for leaders only. Do not covet your leader’s privileges.

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