Hip, hip, hip – hurray! A genetic feat has been accomplished in the anti-corruption war in Naija. The snail speed with which allegations of corruption are investigated, truncated and whitewashed in the APC’s pool of Siloam has been injected with the swiftness of the eagle. No geneticist has ever succeeded in doing this with this level of swiftness. As is expected when such things happen, it did not catch a thief in Wuse market or a pen-robber at the federal secretariat; it caught the biggest shark in the judiciary – the chief justice of the federation.
In a normal genetic lab, these things take a very long time. Information has it that while the police, the EFCC, ICPC and the whole nine yards of the so-called anti-corruption agencies were caught napping, a lawyer, Dennis Achanya had hired private eyes to sniff out the chief justice’s global assets.
The spies set out at dawn checking Justice Onnoghen who was sworn-in against the odds having delivered a coup dur on President Buhari’s quest for the presidency at one time or another. The spies began their investigations from the secured vaults of the Code of Conduct Bureau apparently armed with the FOI Bill which, till date failed to release the full details of President Buhari’s assets. Apparently, the CCB granted them access to the files of Justice Onnoghen. Upon scrutinizing these forms, they discovered that the Chief Justice of the Federation did not update the declaration of his assets as required by law.
OVER 5,000 NIGERIAN MEN HAVE OVERCOME POOR BEDROOM PERFORMANCE SYNDROME DUE TO THIS BRILLIANT DISCOVERY
The spies went further working on the premise that where there’s a smoke, there’s usually either fire or ember. From the secret registry of international financial institutions, they discovered foreign accounts swelled with foreign currency. They also found houses.
Armed with these information, Achanya’s spies who would go down in history for doing as well a job as Arthur Nzeribe’s ABN wrote a petition to the Code of Conduct Tribunal. In four days, the CCT asked Chief Justice Onnoghen to step down and avail himself for prosecution.
Idiots like me want to know more about Dennis Achanya but neither Google nor Wikipedia would give answers. His last known address was as publicity secretary to the defunct CPC. All that is going to change now, Achanya is going to be more famous in Naija circles than Robert Mueller in America. He is the smoking gun! If this guy is a lawyer, there is absolutely no reason why Muhammadu Buhari should be keeping Abubakar Malami as his attorney general except we have evidence that he facilitated this sting operation.
With someone like Achanya as minister of justice, Okoi Obono-Obla would have resigned as senior special assistant to the president on the recovery of public property pending the outcome of his alleged certificate forgery case. An Achanya in charge of the justice ministry would have encouraged the Kano State House of Assembly to conclude its investigations into allegations of corruption leveled against Abdullahi Ganduje, aka Gandollar. Ganduje was caught on tape allegedly stuffing dollars into his pockets. While his viral video was trending, President Buhari described him as a good man!
With Achanya as Attorney General, Adebayo Shittu would not be sitting as communications minister. Shittu confessed to not participating in the mandatory one year National Youth Service Corps, NYSC scheme after graduation. That precludes him from being a minister and qualifies him for criminal prosecution. Shittu is hiding under judicial cover. Kemi Adeosun would not have lasted a day longer after dodging the same draft as Shittu.
Babachir Lawal would not have made it as APC stalwart after public outcry forced Buhari to sack him for corruption. Achanya would have suggested other candidates than retired Justices Sylvanus Nsofor and George Oguntade. Just as Onnoghen was known to have ruled against Buhari’s election petitions, these duo former Supreme Court justices ruled in his favour. Today they are serving ambassadors just by coincidence.
Indeed, with the speed of Achanya’s dynamism, Adams Oshiomole would have resigned as chair of the ruining party. A five-month allegation of fraud against Oshiomole has not been investigated till date. Under Achanya, the ruling party would have apologized for plagiarizing slogans such as – Change Begins With Me, I belong to nobody and I belong to everybody and Next Level, not to talk of the verbatim theft of Trump’s campaign to Make America Safe Again that appeared on the APC website before it was hurriedly taken down.
He would have advised Muhammadu Buhari not to publicize his certificate-presentation saga. He would have advised the party not to accept with pomp and fanfare persons with corruption cases pending against them as new party members when he is fighting corruption. A dynamic Achanya as AG and Minister of Justice would have advised the party and government not to touch these ‘tainted’ individuals even for their perceived electoral value.
Yes, it is good to fight corruption and to fight it right in the palace of justice; what rankles is when justice picks and chooses who to indict based on certain antecedents that belittles its altruism. Perhaps Achanya would have done the needful – send a petition to the NJC and await its verdict instead of heating up the polity. When rules and procedures are perverted it is not only justice that is on trial; it is the character and competence of those at the base of the judicial system.