Daily Trust

Finding excitement elsewhere, but for how long?

A young bride narrates her ordeal, “I am in my mid-twenties with a child. I got pregnant in my final year in school and had to marry the father of the child who is fourteen years older than I am. My problem now is that I feel there is a stage of my life that I miss and I don’t feel the connection between my husband and I. I don’t feel comfortable with him and feel more at ease with a guy in my own age bracket. What excites me doesn’t excite him in any way. My dilemma now is that I feel tempted to leave my husband to be with the younger man.”


Hauwa Ziyya, 39-year-old nurse, says, “In her mid-twenties and with a child, what part of life did she miss out on? For me, I believe no one holds the key to my happiness. That something excites her and it doesn’t excite her man doesn’t mean she is missing out on something. If you aren’t happy or living life on your own terms, then no-one can do it for you. Her husband probably hoped that marrying someone like her would make his life more exciting since she is young and more fun type. If you ask me, she sure has her eyes on something else.”

Amina Jafaru, 43-year-old architect, says, “As a mother myself, my advice would be that she should be very careful. I tell my fun loving, club loving friends that if they choose a guy that must club most days and can’t do without parties, when they get married and have kids and need support at home, they will be all alone because the man would be out grooving with his friends and other babes while she remains at home with the children. You may settle for this fun guy and realize he is unstable. The new guy she is falling for may not be as hard working as her present husband, he may not care about providing for the family, and he may have tons of babes that he has fun with besides her.”


Angela Amadi, 40-year-old entrepreneur asks, “What is wrong with her as the wife coming up with fun activities she and her husband can engage in? As a young bride who had an age difference of ten years between I and my husband, I took time to teach him a lot of games he never knew before he met me. The danger of wanting him to hang out with you and friends is that you may be exposing him to a life that could be dangerous for your relationships. On my own, I have pursued thrills and gotten my highs. I don’t need anyone to follow me before I do it. My point is your fun and your happiness is mostly your responsibility and no one else’s.”

Dimeji Adeyemo, 42- year-old civil servant, says, “It’s obvious she is having an affair. Affairs are sweet because they are in secret. Does she think the younger guy will still ‘compliment’ her when she eventually leaves her husband to be with him? Will he complement you without a job? Marriage isn’t just about going out and having fun like you used to when dating. It involves that and much more. A man that dates a married woman should put you off. Even when you marry him, how can you trust he isn’t after another man’s wife. And trust me, no man will respect a woman who was married and flirting with him, when he eventually marries her.”