“When my unmarried daughter told me she was pregnant, I was worried but I became even more worried when I found out that she was pregnant for a married man. She is 23 years old and in her final year at the university. Her father, who is also my husband, wants her to abort the pregnancy. Please advise.”
Maryam Salihu, 45-year-old nurse, advises, “From a mother to another mother, I would say the issue at hand is quite troubling and to make matters worse, her husband is suggesting an abortion. I don’t really know what to say but my advice on this matter is that no matter what happens, make sure she does not drop out of school or marry the married man. And if eventually she has the baby, make sure you and other members of your family never use it to mock her; show her and the baby love. Stand by her so she will feel loved and encourage her to make it in life. A mistake has been done and we cannot rectify it with another grievous mistake. It is not and will never be the end of the world. This is a signal to parents to be in an open relationship with their daughters, that way they open up to you on everything. Please don’t punish her for her mistakes which emanated probably from lack of parental love.”
Fatima Bello, 40-year-old pharmacist, also agrees with Maryam that her education should not be stopped because of the mistake she did. “Young girls of these days think they are fully independent when they are in the higher institution, but forget that for every action, there are consequences. She should also be made to learn from her mistakes and to realize that child bearing comes with responsibility so she should be set to contribute her quota because I don’t think the married man would want to take responsibility. Most men just see an opportunity to have fun and they take it; none of them want to make a responsible relationship from alliances they create outside their marriages.”
John Adeleke, 42-year-old accountant, suggests that the best advice they will get in this situation is the one they give themselves as parents of the pregnant child. “No one can give you a better advice than the one you and your husband will give yourselves. Sit down with your husband and daughter and discuss the best way to handle this delicate matter. Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
Amaka Uzo, 38-year-old teacher, says, “No aiding and abetting of crimes any more. It’s all these aiding/abetting that have turned our society from bad to worse. At 23, she’s an adult, and knows what sleeping with a married man without protection could result to. Allow her to learn her lesson. Contact the married man to rent an apartment for her and take care of her needs till she delivers and continue to cater for the baby after she delivers. She can then go back to school while still catering for the baby. This will make her understand that motherhood is not a joke. If you help her abort that baby, she will get pregnant again and say ‘after all my parents are there to help me abort it.’”
In conclusion, you don’t solve a problem by creating another one, or erase a sin by committing a greater one. The deed is done so let her have her baby. Sit with your husband and look at the pros and cons of this situation. Abortion is definitely not the solution please. She still has a future which should not be destroyed.