A deserved welcome to the Fes Lady

E no go better for sickness. With 200 million loyal followers some of who would lay down their lives for the first family, sickness broke both security and protocol, sneaked into the ‘billa’ and got the Fes Lady. That is insolence of the highest order. High time that the EFCC, ICPC and the police farce bosses are queried for sleeping on duty while sickness afflicted their boss’ wife. After all, in Daura, security trumps human rights.

This is a serious security infraction that should not be taken lightly. It is becoming an embarrassing tradition for sickness to break the impenetrable vault of security around the first residence and attempt to steal a member.

It happened to Sani Abacha, then Stella Obasanjo before hitting Umaru Yar’adua. It also attempted to snatch Mama Peace who died seven times and resurrected before her husband conceded defeat. But for the effectual fervent prayers of a loyal and Godly deputy, it would have thrown this nation into civil war if it had snatched Sai Baba in the early years of his presidency. Osinbajo called on the God of Isaiah who granted his request and gave them a renewed mandate. Alhamdullilah!

It is patriotic duty to queue and welcome our beautiful Fes Laidy the apple of Sai Baba’s eyes. The wife of Kogi governor, Mrs Rashida Bello drove all the way from Lokoja to lead the welcome party. The Bellos need all the goodwill of a flooded Rivers Niger and Benue in their moment of trial. One hopes Mrs Bello brought some kurungu, jellyfish and grasscutters from Kogi. Starving Kogi workers should go and collect theirs from Yeye Bello.


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In Kogi, we do sycophancywwith panache. If Madam Bello had tarried, her husband, a Fes Family lover; would have shown up, with at least 30 vehicles fueled with Kogi workers salary. Kogi workers being the only employees in Naija to be so rich as to work for free just to prevent their governor and his wife from starving. Kogi retirees prefer death on queues than get paid their gratuities. And in a few weeks, they would gladly give the Bellos another four-year term in Lugard House. It’s not easy to be as generous as Kogi people even to a Fes Lady who has said nothing in support of Kogi’s starving children. I understand that Sai Mama first pet project would be cited in Okeagi.

Sai Mama could not have returned at a better time. Just in time to ensure enough budgetary provisions for tissue paper in Arsehole Rock washrooms. It is so fulfilling to finally hear of the 27-year tradition of Mai Gaskiya family taking their rest in London. If that truth had leaked in 2015, the PDP would have turned it into a campaign issue.

Nobody espects a dainty Fes Lady to find rest in a Billa where even her General husband was sacked by rats? This Fes family has endured so much on our behalf. The Fes Lady couldn’t find a doctor in Naija and wouldn’t entrust her safety to an Arsehole Rock Clinic that didn’t have panadol during a Fes Lady medical audit.

Sai Mama is a very prudent woman. Her husband commands over 10 airplanes, but she chose the low budget Air Naija for her trips. Unpatriotic newshounds with astigmatic vision would call Air Naija British Airways without clarifying with Hadi Sirika.

Sai Mama deserves her rest after a rigorous campaign that promised nothing. She returned at a time when it was impossible to ignore the fake news of a second marriage and the insolence of Mamman Daura’s children. Sai Baba has only eyes for Sai Mama. In their joint ticket, Sai Baba had to eat his own words that under him, there would be no better life for angry women. Now Sai Mama has aides. But for what critics might say, she deserves a distinct cabinet to show Bubu’s indolent cabinet members how to do governance.

I’ve heard people saying if Naija is as peaceful as Sai Baba says, why are they not taking their medical rests at the Obudu Cattle Ranch, Yankari Games Reserve or the picturesque Mambilla? All I know is that it is more patriotic to go to London than to spend an entire security budget securing an unelected member of the first family. Sai Mama deserves a medal for choosing to rest in Stab town rather than swallow the risk the poor she loves take daily. Imagine the glee of Boko Haram if it captured a precious price. It’s demands would be higher than the ransom set by the judge Omoyele Sowore’s freedom. Sai Mama doesn’t even like money – ask Rotimi Amaechi! The Fes Family loves power and hates the money and the responsibility that come with it.

Now that Sai Mama is back, the embargo on Thai rice would be lifted because you cannot feed a recuperating Fes Lady with rice and stones. Kidnapping should end because the Fes Lady’s potential pet project is not meant to pay ransom. Fake news should cease, because it is described as any criticism of Boohari’s failure in governance. Mama Oyoyo, welcome your Excellency!

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